i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
