You smell like stripper and shame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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