i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
