One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
