Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
someone owes me an orgasm
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
