just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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