Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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