I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
