I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
