At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize