i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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