You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
