I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
