dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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