I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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