burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
