do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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