that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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