So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
