her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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