my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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