So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
