If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize