I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
