Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
