She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
