My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
