Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
