Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
