How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
