I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
