Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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