you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
