Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
