Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
