I got chris browned last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
