Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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