At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize