I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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