You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
