Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
