Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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