too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
