My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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