100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
