I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
