You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
