I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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