I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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