i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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