a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
