Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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