My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
