So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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