maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
