Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
