Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
