Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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