If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
