If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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