you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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