In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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