I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize