went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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