I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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