No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
