ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize