Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
