the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
