Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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