should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Found your dick twin last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
