the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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