This is not my ceiling
Porn is love you can see.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
