careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
