You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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