I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
