Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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