I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
