This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
