just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
