At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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