I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
