I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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