And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
