my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
