Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize