Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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