I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
