I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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