I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
