Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
