Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
