You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
