this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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