Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
