oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
