I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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