I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
