i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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