Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
