They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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