Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize