No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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