wanna go halves on a baby?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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