I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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