My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
