I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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