yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
