Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
