Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
