Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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