I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize