Already got asked if we're dating
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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