Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
