Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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