i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize