Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
