im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
